No Real Danger

43 (Bonus!) Don’t Kill It (2016)

I read that this film is fast-paced and that’s exactly what I was looking for tonight. Were the internet strangers right? Mostly! The movie starts off strong with a string of brutal kills and then bogs down a little bit with story, but it’s back to the bloody action soon enough. And Dolph Lundgren is pretty good as the unflappable, grizzled demon hunter. It’s certainly not perfect, but it’s pretty fun for what it is.

42 (Bonus!) Incantation (2022)

Another found footage film. I know that makes a lot of people roll their eyes right off the bat but this one is actually good! It’s a non-linear mystery horror that kept me interested for the entirety of its longish runtime. I only thought “why would someone film this” a couple of times. That’s pretty good for FF!

41 (Bonus!) V/H/S/85 (2023)

As per usual with this series, there are some good segments and some ok segments. There are no great segments in this one but don’t write it off. It’s definitely worth a watch. Especially if you’ve enjoyed any of the franchise before or if you’re just a fan of anthologies

40 (Bonus!) When Evil Lurks (2023)

”Holy shit!” That’s in quotes because I said it out loud at one point while watching by myself. Several people on Reddit are posting that this movie made them exclaim out loud as well. (and Wolfman said he did too. so it’s not just strangers online) This follow up from the Terrified director is a shocker. It’s gross and intense and brutal. Highly recommended!

39 (Bonus!) Five Nights at Freddy’s (2023)

I honestly went in to this knowing almost zero about FNAF. I thought it was a jump scare based mobile game for 8-year-olds. The themes are pretty hardcore but the movie is solidly PG-13. That’s not a dig. Just letting you know that you won’t be seeing any gore. If you don’t know the lore, that’s alright. You won’t be too lost. This is another one though where you shouldn’t think too hard on the logistics or timeline. Just enjoy the ride.

38 (Bonus!) Madhouse (1981)

Surprisingly little of this film takes place in a madhouse. In fact, the hospital that houses the psychopathic evil twin of the film may just be a regular hospital. She seems to be there because of her disfiguring (and mysterious) ailment, which conveniently obscures her features. I imagine that’s because they couldn’t find identical twins and/or didn’t have the budget for special effects. It’s actually an okay film with some good kills. If early American slashers are your thing, this one should be right up your alley.

37 (Bonus!) The Crawling Hand (1963)

Sci-fi horror that is tame by today’s standards and just hokey even by 1963 standards. Doesn’t really understand its own science. But… I watched the MST3K presentation and Joel and the bots made it well worth my time!

36 (Bonus!) The Poughkeepsie Tapes (2007)

Many people seem to agree that this is one of the most hardcore films out there. I agree that the premise – faceless serial killer filming his kills and torture – is brutal, but it’s hard to really get immersed when there’s so much bad acting (and when I find myself wondering if they paid that actress enough to be tied up in that uncomfortable position). If this is your sort of thing and you’re not quite ready for August Underground, check it out.

35 (Bonus!) The Platform (2019)

I’d pretty much given up on Netflix “original” films, so I didn’t pay any attention to this one. Now that I’m challenging myself to watch a ton of new-to-me horror films in October, I decided to pull this one from the dregs of the ol’ queue. I’m glad I did! It is very effective! It’s gruesome and dark in all the best ways. The hamfisted social allegory didn’t even take away from it too much!

34 (Bonus!) Porno (2019)

I remember reading about this one before it came out and then never hearing about it again. That’s too bad because it’s pretty good! I mean, too bad that it didn’t get much buzz. It’s gross and funny and a little scary. Well worth a watch!

33 (Bonus!) Evil Bong (2006)

Dumb. Not very fun or funny. Sophomoric.

32 (Bonus!) Sick (2022)

This one is fine. A lot of movies are just ‘fine’ and that’s ok. If you’re looking for a logically flawed slasher that is mostly formulaic with characters that elicit little empathy, then this one is for you! Or, maybe it’s for you if you just want something on while you fold clothes. (i sound harsh but it really is fine)

31 Death Becomes Her (1992)

This one falls way closer to the ‘fun’ end of the spectrum than it does to the ’scary’ end. That’s not a bad thing! It’s a ton of fun with top acting talent and hilarious horrific situations. As long as you’re able to give a 30-year-old film some grace for its awful CGI, then this one is a great choice for a movie night where the goal is to have a campy good time! Maybe some of your horror-averse friends will join you.

30 Gonjiam: Haunted Asylum (2018)

I saw this on a Reddit list of scariest films and, sure, it’s scary but is it scarier than other found footage films where a crew of paranormal investigators explore some abandoned decrepit mental hospital? Therapy? P=wp L’Energie Sombre? Grave Encounters? Etcetera? (that’s not the title of a movie I’m just sure there are more that I can’t think of right now) Yeah, I’d say so. Is it scarier than non-FF films where a crew of asbestos abatement men explore some abandoned decrepit mental hospital? No, it’s not scarier than Session 9. So, there’s your range I guess. Not the scariest, but not un-scary. And the performances are quite good to boot.

29 Van Helsing (2004)

I went into this one expecting it to be utter bullshit, but I was pleasantly surprised. Sure, it’s supremely goofy in parts and the CGI is very dated, but it’s a lot of fun too. And they threw in a few twists on the lore (for better or worse – you decide) that made it feel fresh. Worth a watch, but maybe go into it with low expectations just in case.

28 Dementia (1955)

This might not count as a feature (sub 60min runtime) or horror (maybe creepy surreal noir?) but this is my blog, so I’ll do whatever I want! The film really is creepy. Feels expressionist and stagey in a way that made me uneasy. There’s cruelty and murder too. Should satisfy the horror itch for genre fans.

27 A Dark Song (2016)

This has been on the periphery of my radar since it came out. I’d heard that it was a slow burn and I guess I just kept it in reserves for so long because I don’t always have the patience for that. Not that slow burn horror is bad! I like a lot of slow burn stuff. Most times though I’m just in the mood for more adrenaline. Anyway… this one is good! If you like creepiness and the occult, this one is for you. The entities revealed at the end were a little trite but not a dealbreaker.

26 Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat (1989)

I was surprised that I’d never heard of this one considering it is a horror comedy (very light on the horror) with known stars – Bruce Campbell, David Carradine, and M. Emmett Walsh. It’s pretty fun! Hokey at times but def worth a watch for fans of the sub-genre.

25 Hell House LLC (2015)

One of the better found footage / faux documentary movies to be sure. It has some great scares and some very frenetic scenes of people freaking out that work very well to get your anxiety up. But a really annoying character and a disappointing source-of-evil reveal left me underwhelmed.

24 Soft & Quiet (2022)

Jesus Christ! This is a rough one! And I mean emotionally rough. The impressive single shot format and frantic chaos is exhausting. Vile humans doing vile things and scream-crying that it’s not their fault. This one might hurt your soul. A tough watch, but very effective!

23 Lycan Colony (2005)

Another Rifftrax enhanced viewing that might actually be worth a watch on its own. It’s so ineptly made and downright bonkers that the boys were at a loss for words / riffs sometimes!

22 Fresh (2022)

I’ve mentioned before that I’m a hardliner when it comes to movies over 90 minutes long. If you’re going over 90, you better earn every fucking second of that time. This movie runs almost 2 hours and it is well-earned. It’s tense, the characters are rich, performances are solid, and it looks great! Just don’t think too hard on how someone with their butt cut off can walk/sit/dance.

21 Run (2020)

Don’t be like me and let this one languish in your queue. It’s really good! I was extremely anxious at many points in this film. The menace comes not from a hulking madman or supernatural monster, but from a meek person with a truly vulnerable person at their mercy. Check it out – it’s really scary!

20 Zombeavers (2014)

I watched this hoping to scratch that fun goofy killer animal itch that Slotherhouse didn’t quite scratch. I didn’t expect cleverness this time and boy was I not surprised! It’s juvenile to the extreme. And poorly acted (with cringey southern accents). And has some awful, awful CGI. Buuuuutt… it’s not terrible. The practical zombeaver puppets are pretty gruesome and the final act reminded me of Evil Dead and Dead Alive.

19 Slotherhouse (2023)

I wanted so much for this to be a fun, clever slasher. It’s sort of fun but certainly not clever. The killer sloth isn’t a mutant or infected with rage. It’s just a sloth. I know it’s supposed to be silly but it could have been a little deeper than what you’d come up with after too many bong rips. Then again, maybe the audience is supposed to be in that state to really enjoy it.

18 No One Gets Out Alive (2021)

I liked this movie. It’s a very effective haunter with great performances. (wanted to get that out of the way before i gripe a little) There seems to be a trend in movies to have dark photography with a deep earth tone palette. It looks good and is effective but they all look A LOT alike. And I’m seeing it so much it’s becoming a bit alarming. Like, is this produced by AI?

17 Stitches (2001)

Watched the Rifftrax version of this. Without it, this would have been unwatchable. Pretty fun with the gang goofing on it though. (and I understood about half of their references!)

16 Butchers (2020)

TCSM (or maybe Wolf Creek) inspired Wrong Turn (or maybe The Hills Have Eyes) type of film. Grimy and bloody. Misogynist characters do horrific violence to women. It’s an effective pastiche but it’s definitely not for everyone.

15 The Addiction (1995)

Abel Ferrara apparently figured that what vampire movies universally lacked are discussions about philosophy and quotes from well-known philosophers. If you agree, then this is the movie for you! If not, then this movie might seem a bit pretentious.

14 The End of Eight (2019)

Decided to watch this after reading the synopsis and thought it sounded interesting. The premise IS interesting. The bad acting, easily guessed twist, and trite characterizations make it hard to like though. It’s not terrible, just not great.

13 Skylines (2020)

Is it horror? Well, it’s got aliens trying to kill humans. So, sure. I’m counting it. Is it good? No.

12 There’s Nothing Out There (1991)

Another one I found on a list (maybe the same one?). The film shares some similarities to Scream though it predates it by a handful of years and leans more directly into the comedy. Mainly, one character knows horror movies and educates his doomed friends on the “rules”. They don’t believe him and Ghostface a goofy alien/frog puppet wreaks havoc. Pretty fun as long as you’re not too annoyed by gratuitous shots of bare breasts.

11 The Undertaker (1988)

I knew NOTHING of this film before finding it on a list of underrated 80s movies. It’s… not great. Joe Spinell delivers some of his lines like he might be very drunk. His signature quiet, borderline-mumble style is rendered nearly unintelligible. That really doesn’t help the thin plot at all. Nor do the zero budget effects.

10 Silver Bullet (1985)

This was not on my radar at all but I thought “why not watch (at least) 2 King adaptations this month?” It’s pretty good! Some surprising gore. Intense scenes of menace. And some well rounded characters. Worth a watch!

9 Final Destination 3 (2006)

I’m not a hater of the FD franchise but I’m certainly not a fan either. Liked the first and second ones fine. I saw the most recent one. And now I’ve seen this one. It was exactly what I expected it would be, but in a good way. Clever misdirects and kills made for a fun time.

8 The Boogeyman (2023)

An effective and well-fleshed out adaptation of Stephen King’s 50-year-old short story that adheres a little too closely to the haunted family formula that we’ve seen many, MANY times before. Still good for some scares and a cool creature design though.

7 The Menu (2022)

A very tense (yet somehow kinda fun) shocker that skewers the obsessive Michelin star restaurant/chef culture in graphic ways. Went in not expecting much, but I was pleasantly surprised!

6 Hunt Club (2022)

A bit of a low effort plot – manly men worried about the “pussy-fication” of boys today start a Most Dangerous Game to kill women but then a kick-ass duo shows up to kick ass. Nonetheless, it was a decent watch. And Casper Van Dien is a handsome, charismatic dude even though his character is a slimeball!

5 Werewolves Within (2021)

Quite a bit of fun to be had with this one. Sam Richardson is always fun to watch and Milana Vayntrub is great as the quirky mailperson. The ‘who’s the werewolf?’ / ‘is there really a werewolf?’ mystery had me guessing until the end. But maybe I’m just dumb.

4 Smile (2022)

Major studio PG-13 style (it’s rated R) chiller that has a good descent-into-madness trajectory for its protagonist. Too bad that descent is stretched to near tediousness over its somewhat bloated runtime. And the central It Follows type haunt seems to be playing Calvinball with its own rules.

3 The Lodge (2019)

An intriguing story with a shocking first act and creepy cult stuff in the mix. What could go wrong? Well, turns out an extremely unbelievable plot reveal can definitely take away from the overall experience a bit. It’s not bad! I was just a little disappointed. The actors all turn in great performances though.

2 Triangle (2009)

This one actually surprised me! A clever, twisty story of a masked killer picking people off on a vintage cruise liner. It’s low budget and sometimes the acting is a little iffy, but it’s definitely worth a watch. Go in blind!

1 Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)

I may have mentioned once or thirty times that my favorite movie is the original TCSM. So, it may come as a surprise that I’ve never seen this one until now. I kinda wish that I hadn’t. It’s a turd. It’s very trite and forgettable, adding nothing new while seemingly trying to return to the grit of the original after the cartoonish fun of part two. Ken Foree and Viggo Mortensen are in it though. So… there’s that.